RTP

What did the guy say when, getting antsy on route 64, he went around the car in front of him, at which point the guy in the slow car, who is a college student, realized he really wanted the first guy to join his fraternity?

RUSHING THE PASSER!! 

9/11 First Responder

What did the guy say when, after accepting a job at a bowling ally and accidentally placing an extra pin on the lane, another guy who was bowling got a split between the last and 3rd to last pin and the original guy was the first person to come and deal with the situation. 

9/11First Responder! 

Piece of balls!

What did the guy say who was the janitor for a park next to a sports complex and was cleaning up the day after Roger Federer, Christiano Ronaldo, Nolan Ryan and Jay Cutler were practicing sporty stuff and the shredder from ninja turtles appeared and inspired by the comic, the four sports stars tried to become heroes by using their athletic prowess to take down shredder?

KEY-BERD!

What did the guy say when, being the only virtuosic concert pianist to ever come out of Arkansas, he was pooped on by a Pelican while standing outside the apartment he was locked out of?

Pepperoni chimichanga cappuccino

What did the guy say, because he had food-based tourettes, and needed a pick-me-up after a long day of food tasting at Italian and Mexican restaurants?

Black Friday crazy people

What did the guy say to the psych ward when a disgruntled employee lost his mind at the end of the week and cut all the power to the building?

Triple deke

What did the guy say when he went to Denmark and tried to teach the locals some American penis slang but it took them three times to get it because of their accent?